Forgiving Those Who Don’t Ask for Forgiveness

I've had some great conversations with a few of you since Sunday. If you remember we considered Romans 3:24; paying particular attention to the idea that we're justified through the redemption of Jesus. Redemption led us to forgiveness, a subject which opens us up to incredibly practical ways of following Jesus.

We all need forgiveness. We all need to forgive. Forgiveness is agreeing to endure (at least part of) the consequence of someone else's sin––whether the cost is monetary, emotional, or otherwise. That's what redemption is all about.

Perhaps the most challenging person to forgive is someone who doesn't ask for forgiveness. That's what I spoke with some of you about this week. What do we do then? What obligation do we have to endure the cost of forgiveness when someone doesn't acknowledge their sin? Is it even possible to forgive someone who doesn't ask for forgiveness?

As always we should look to the cross of Christ. It seems clear, Jesus died for the sins of the world, "He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world" (1 John 2:2; see also John 3:16, 2 Corinthians 5:18,19, and Colossians 1:20). The Son of God willingly endured the sinful consequence of the world, including those who have not and will never ask for forgiveness. But he never weaponizes the cross as manipulation to force contrition. Rather it's his kindness that leads to repentance (Romans 2:4).

Jesus then has done the work of forgiveness on the cross. In doing so he is honest about sin. He holds sinners accountable. He names the offense. He suffers underserved consequence willingly. Through it all he rejects bitterness, hatred, resentment, enablement, and manipulation. However the fullness of reconciliation and redemption can not blossom until sinners confess sin. The hard reality is that sinners who never seek forgiveness never enjoy the reward of forgiveness––peace with God (Romans 5:1).

What's all this mean for our human relationship?

Well, in some ways Jesus demonstrates and empowers us to take initial steps of forgiveness regardless of the disposition of the one who has sinned against us. We should be honest about sin. We should hold people accountable. We should name offenses. We should suffer undeserved consequence willingly. And through it all we need to diligently avoid two extremes––resentment and enablement.

In pride we are tempted to do the work of forgiveness in our hearts only to remain bitter at someone until they repent. We often do this because we want to hurt them like they've hurt us.

In shame we are tempted to do the work of forgiveness in our hearts only to excuse the sins of someone and take on an undue burden. We often do this to avoid conflict and more pain.

Real talk, it's hard when someone does not admit their sin. We'll deal with it our whole lives. So it's vital to remember we're all sinners and Jesus is with us. He forgives us when we sin. He comforts us when we are sinned against. And that's what we need more than anything. We need him. A reconciled relationship with another human being should always be our desire. But a reconciled relationship with God in Christ is our enduring hope. He alone ultimately forgives us and protects us from both pride and shame by giving us his peace.